Lazarus thinks I’m blaming him for the weird stuff happening around the house? He said that? He said that about me? Of course he did. He’s always had it out for me. Ever since the first day I started serving my master, Lazarus hasn’t liked me. I think he’s jealous because I’m such a great familiar.
So who broke the door, the window and ruined the plumbing around the house? Isn’t it obvious? It was Lazarus. He’s trying to make me look bad so that Fernando will release me from his service. I bet that the moment I’m no longer Fernando’s familiar, Lazarus is going to come around and persuade me to join him. That would be just typical of him.
I used to need a lot of drain repairs in the Brighton area, so I know what I’m talking about. Our boundary trap needs replacing. That’s what is causing the issue. I tried explaining it to the others, but they didn’t understand. “But the boundary trap is outside, and the issues are inside,” said my master. That’s the trouble when you live with a bunch of vampires that have been around for hundreds of years. They think they know everything, but they’re actually really, really naive.
Now they’re talking about going underground and seeing if the street needs sewer replacement. Melbourne has really clean sewers, actually, since they recently got cleaned by the Australia’s Next Top Office team. Not that the others would know that, because they don’t listen to me and they don’t watch television.
I’m certain that Lazarus has been messing with the boundary trap. That’s just a recipe for disaster. Soon enough the whole house will probably be flooded, and I’ll be the one to clean it up. Who do you think had to dispose of the broken door and window? Me, obviously. So why would I have broken them in the first place? It just doesn’t make sense.