You know what would be the greatest innovation in childcare ever?
A robotic suit. That’s right…a big old robotic suit, perfect for all those moments when your child needs…things. As a mother or father, you can’t just be expected to remember each of the million-and-one things needed to successfully raise a child. In the time it took to read this sentence, you probably forgot one or two of them! Just imagine pockets with spring-loaded nappy dispensers. Baby monitors built into the collar. And when your child gets a bit older, a virtual assistant that gives you all kinds of advice.
No, the virtual assistant can’t be separated from the robotic suit. That’s stupid. You’re stupid.
You see, I was taking my child to one of Brisbane’s fine indoor play centres when I suddenly thought of how much easier this whole process would be with a gigantic metal suit. Okay, so you’re in the play centre, and your child is in the ball pit. It’s all good fun until one of them stubs their toe, or hits their sister, or calls another one of them a poop-head. That’s the thing about play centres: you can let kids be kids and climb around unsupervised to learn more about the world and get some valuable exercise…but then bam. Suddenly, insults are flying, toes are being stubbed, and you as a parent were not present. Maybe you were drinking coffee, or just generally being a good parent and letting them set their own boundaries.
Wouldn’t be a problem if you had a suit that scanned for life, listened in on conversations and was able to detect both the stubbing of toes and playground insults. Then you could be there in a flash to sort things out, at your discretion.
I’m thinking the indoor play centres open in Melbourne might be interested in an initial shipment…Melbourne being such a forward-thinking place. I’ll find someone into this idea if it kills me.