Tinting Will Save Us All

The rest of the office must never know that the plague of eternal darkness was my doing. It’s for their own good, after all. Tinted windows can actually block a fair amount of UV rays, and UV rays are the greatest silent killer of all. Now, every single window in our office is tinted, thanks to an anonymous donation from a well-meaning stranger who emptied out all of his savings, because who can really be bothered to deal with the sun’s awful rays? Not me. Not ever.

You see, I’ve dedicated my life to ensuring that people understand that window tinting¬†professionals¬†are the ones who are going to save us all, which is very true. The sun is getting hotter by the day, and soon you won’t be able to go out without wearing a protective suit. So really, I just want as many windows to be tinted as possible, so that I can protect my work colleagues, family, and also myself.

I was born with less of a resistance to the sun than most, you see, so I’ve always been more sensitive to the oncoming march of UV rays. I’m quite ginger, my skin is very pale, and I swear that I can get burned just by sitting next to a window. THAT is how bad it is. My whole life has been spent dodging barbecues and ¬†being laughed at because I carry an umbrella on hot days. But if I can office tinting in one place…maybe they’ll see. Plus, this office is a decent enough place to hide out in the end of the world. It’s spacious, off the ground, there’s a shower and a kitchen, and now Melbourne’s best office window tinting has given us unrivaled protection. I just hope the end of the world happens on a weekend though, otherwise it’ll be pretty crowded. I don’t really want to share a microwave with over fifty people.

-Pete